‘He said there is no reason for me to have and keep art like that’: Teen using drawing as a coping method after his mom passes away, father punishes him for not including his new step-mom and half-siblings in his drawings

Author image for Baiz Hoen
Baiz Hoen
Feb 8, 2025 10:00 AM EST

When you're a teenager and angsty and feeling things you've never felt before, there are a lot of different ways to get out those complicated emotions. Maybe you're a kid who gets really into sports. Maybe you keep a diary religiously. Maybe you're one of those kids who punch holes in walls. Whatever way you go about it, those feelings are going to come out one way or another, so it's best to get them out there while you can.

One of the healthier ways to channel these feelings is by doing art. Whether it be through drawing, singing, or acting, art helps you tap into those emotions and release them cathartically without hurting yourself or others. That's why it's particularly damaging when that artistic outlet is compromised. One teen experienced that when his dad made him delete all the drawings he made to help cope with his mom's death because they didn't include his dad's new wife and kids. So, is it this teen's responsibility to include his whole family in his drawings, even when they're not the reason he's making them? Or should he tell his dad to stuff it? Scroll through to figure out what side you're on.


 

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    "AITA for not deleting all my backups of my art like dad told me to and letting him punish me instead?"

    I (15) like digital drawing a lot. My grandparents put me in art classes when I was 8 to give me something to focus on after my mom died. It really helped and I feel like I've grown enough to make it a job some day. I already do some small commissions when I want some money. I keep all my stuff on my laptop and I have it all backed up so I can keep it.
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    In November my dad went through my laptop when I was in school and looked through all my drawings. When I got home he'd deleted everything I'd made and he wanted me to delete all my backups that he knew I had. What set him off was I had a folder full of drawings of family but none of them included his wife or my two half siblings. They got married 5 years ago and my half siblings were born after that.
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    He didn't like how I could draw mom into a lot of stuff, how I could include pets and grandparents and stuff, but not the blended part of our family.
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    It's not that I hate my dad's wife or my half siblings, because I don't and I never did. But I don't love them. I like them and care about them. I'd never want anything bad to happen to them. But they're not new mom and full sibling level to me. We get along fine but when it comes to my personal art I draw the things and the people I love. Some stuff I do for others or for the art class but the personal stuff is personal.
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  • 06
    I wouldn't delete the backups and my dad punished me. He talked to me after the punishment was up and he told me it was time to delete them. Again I didn't. My grandparents stepped in to speak up for me and my dad said they needed to stay out of it. He blamed them for some of it. My
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  • 07
    blamed them for some of it. My half siblings never did the one day a week with them. Their mom was home and wanted them with her so it made sense. But dad said them taking me and my siblings for that one day made me think we were different to the halfs or something. My grandparents tried to talk him down but he meant it when he said they had to stay out of it.
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  • 08
    I still didn't delete sh and I was grounded for three weeks because of it and it didn't make me give in. So he decided to take my laptop and my art tablet and he told me I can't draw until I delete the backups. He said I can get them back when I delete everything. He said there is no reason for me to have and keep art like that. He said it wasn't a good thing that I'd drawn so much that excluded part of our family. He told me he wasn't letting me get away with it.
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  • 09
    We're a coupe of weeks in now. I draw a little at school which helps me not go crazy without it. I do miss drawing. But I'm not deleting stuff that means something to me. I can survive three years of not doing it much. But AITA for not deleting it? My dad thinks so. He said he didn't know why I was being so stubborn about this and why I was trying to hurt everyone.
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  • 10

    Commenters were quick to call out this teen's dad for his actions.

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    You're dad is wrong. You draw what you want he can't force you to draw them. You need to ask to see a therapist at school and tell them he's punishing you for your art which is a very meaningful part of your life and you want help discussing this with him with another counselor or adult who can act as a mediator.
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  • 12
    He is totally wrong and what he's doing is wrong and he has no right to take this away from you. If you want to draw your family as you feel it that's up to you.
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    You're kind to them you just don't feel that way. He can't force you to love them or to draw them. Taking away this super important part of your life and your creativity and growth is totally irrational and controlling. He's trying to force you to delete your work because you didn't draw something. That's
    via AnonArtistBrush
  • 14
    draw something. That's crazy just ask you to draw one of them and let him shut up about it. He's a very r de person for this. Totally irate and controlling. You need a counselor this is not ok. Get him to explain this to someone with knowledge and call him out for these actions. Don't delete sh. LL F that.
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  • 15
    This is ab e. Demand an apology, involve the step- mom in everything and get her on your side, and then blast him in public. When your entire school wants to know why he confiscated drawings you did of your dear departed mother, see what happens. Make it so every teacher's conference is the most awkward night of his life.
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  • 16
    Anyone this stubborn and unintelligent doesn't deserve to win the sort of thing he wants from you. He has to be an actual idiot to think it could be achieved by force or that taking your property wouldn't just push you further away.
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  • 17
    Can you go and live with your grandparents? What your father is doing is awful and definitely won't make you love his wife and kids. I wish you the strength to keep your artwork even in the face of such adversity.
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  • 18

    Some gave good advice on how to keep his drawings safe.

    Please make sure to safe your art on various cloud storage, such like onedrive, Dropbox or amazon photos. Make sure he won't be able to find everything. Maybe even store a hard drive somewhere. His behaviour is disgusting and ab ive
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  • 19
    What in the actual f is wrong with your dad? He's basically treating your mom like what George Orwell would call a "Unperson," and is punishing you for not toeing the party line and doing as he demands. Like some other folks said, he needs to get called out for his behavior.
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  • 20
    NTA and if my dad did that to me I'd tell him to his face that either he gives it back or he's de d to me.
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  • 21
    Create a new google account and upload your stuff to it. Or shove it on a USB and give it to a trusted grandparent.
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